Grandmom (and my selfishness)

I want to write a little something about my Grandmom who passed away last week. My sister, Kelly, has a wonderful post on her blog about our Grandmother. I love remembering her life and I recommend checking out Kelly's post.

I learned from my sister Melyssa of a Chinese tradition that is so appropriate for the death of my Grandmother. The Chinese have two happy occasions and one sad occasion for which they wear certain clothing. The first happy occasion is a wedding, for which they wear red. The next happy occasion is the death of an old person, for which they wear white. The sad occasion is the death of a young person, for which they wear black.
As I dressed in black for my Grandmother's funeral I thought often of how it felt so much like a happy occasion when we celebrate a long life well-lived. I thought the Chinese have it right in so many ways. I shed tears to think that my time with her was over, but they were selfish tears. When I thought of her life and that she can finally leave behind her broken, deteriorated body, I was happy for her.

I thought of something else, in my selfishness. I thought of how I hadn't appreciated her enough during her life and now my chance to tell her was past. I called her during her last days and told her how I loved her and some of the dear memories I have from her life and that eased my remorse somewhat, but I still regret being a selfish child and not telling her more how important she is to me. I was reminded over and over during her viewing and funeral that once someone is gone, it's too late. We have to appreciate them during their life. ...this all sounds so cliche when I write it, but the feelings are deep and influencing. I have to show the ones I love how important they are to me now, before it is too late.

Grandmom was an amazing woman. I know she has moved on and I will see her again, for which knowledge I am grateful.