People don't like people for their accomplishments. People like nice people. Don't get me wrong, accomplishments are great. It is good to set goals and accomplish as much as you can...if you do it for the right reasons. Doing it to get outward praise is a craving that can never be satisfied. If your confidence comes from hearing someone else say what a great thing you did, you will never be truly confident. It has to come from knowing that who you are is a wonderful person, regardless of what others think or say.
I have had a long week. I've been busy and I've been thinking a lot.
I have recently sensed a lesson coming on. I can always feel it when an epiphany is on the brink. I think God wanted to teach me something, or in this case, remind me of something I already know. This lesson is one I have been reminded of many times in my life. I haven't yet stated clearly what that lesson is. The lesson is to give praise freely.
All the things I stated above are truths I have learned. I have to remind myself that those are super-hard things to actually implement in life and that I have to be patient when people are learning to accept themselves without outward praise. I know that in that interim--which for some may go beyond this lifetime--God requires that I give freely of myself to uplift and strengthen others. I can help others see good in themselves until they reach a point where they can see it without help. I have to remember that I may be giving to the above-stated craving that may never be satisfied. Even knowing that, I must continue to give.
I am a selfish person. That I had to re-learn this lesson is proof. Maybe this time the lesson will stick...and maybe, just maybe I will be, though still selfish, a little less so because I was humbled.
2 comments:
Well, is this why you are saying nice things to me??!! Either way I am one of those people that do need allot of outside praise so keep it coming!
I have been thinking about what you wrote and am wondering what other thoughts you have. I struggle sometimes just "knowing" stuff on the inside so tips or a lengthier conversation would be great help.
What you say is so true. I really have to watch myself sometimes -- at work I praise the children all the time in an effort to help them be motivated or to change behavior, or whatever, but I do think about it. Now, I don't want praise taken lightly, and I don't want these kids going through life basing their self-worth on the praise of others. So I have to check myself - I try to talk to them about doing their words and letters because it feeds their hungry brain.
Also, I try to praise their hard work, rather than focusing on raw "intelligence" because studies show that children perform better on tests when they're given praise for effort rather than an innate talent or being smart -- it's an equalizing notion.
Today I was trying to help a little girl with motivation saying "You need to write your star words" and she looked straight at me and asked, "Why?" It broke my heart a little. I need to remember that others aren't born with an innate love of learning.
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